fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
