My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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