It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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