So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize