Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
