remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
