She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
