I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
