After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize