i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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