my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
