census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
