My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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