Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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