I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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