I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize