I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
as a side note pls kill me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
