would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize