"it" just moved
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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