Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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