nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
