It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
