If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I need moral support for this bender
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
