member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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