Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
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