you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize