does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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