Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
