i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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