My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dicks are not precious.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
