A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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