So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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