Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
