Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
