dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
