HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
