Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
