I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
