so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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