yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
