enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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