They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
