ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
