i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
