i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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