girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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