and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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