the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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