dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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