Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i was born a porn star she said
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
