My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
