Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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