Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
