Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
