I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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