I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
