The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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