I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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