he shaved USA in his pubs
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
