I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
