the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
