Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
