Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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