Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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