So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
