Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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