I hate all girls vehemently.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
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