i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
