and she was petting her beer can
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
