Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
