Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
