i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
