i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
