My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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