After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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