Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
