ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
