I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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