Just mADE A PArabola og urine
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
