I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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