the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
