dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
