...so i touched it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
