why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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