If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
