Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
