God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Green mimosas i think yes
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
