DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
