I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
