if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
