Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
