peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm at about main and main street
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Bring me that man meat
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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