I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
