Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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