I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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