these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
