I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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