Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
