no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
